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amona says
Merry Christmas! 

9th   d e c e m b e r

"Now, we take our time so 'non chalant'
and spend our nites so 'bon vivant'
we spend our days, in silken robes
the money comes, the money goes
We know it's all a passing phase

We light our lamps for atmosphere
and hang our hopes on chandeliers
We're going wrong; we're gaining weight
We're sleeping long and far too late
and so it's time to change our ways,
but I've loved these days

Now as we indulge in things refined
WE hide our hearts from harder times
A string of pearls, a foreign car
but we can only go so far
on caviar and cabernet

We drown our doubts in dry champagne
And soothe our soul with fine cocaine
I don't know why I even care
We'll get so high and get nowhere
We'll have to change our daily ways
but I've loved these days.

So before we end and then begin
We'll drink a toast to how it's been
A few more hours to be complete
A few more nights on satin sheets
A few more times that I can say
I've loved these Days"

-Billy Joel


she made two sales today, as i waited to turn. i wonder about her voice, as i watch her display
her wares. i wondered what that money might be spent on. wondered how she decides when to
stand there, what she does during the rest of the day. i was happy with her, as business boomed.
enterprising, moreso than many. she has a sweet face.

8   d e c e m b e r

" Ramona, a part-Indian orphan reared to think of herself as spanish,
falls in love with and marries the Indian Alessandro. Forced to fight Yankees for his place in the sun,
he dies at the hands of the villainous Jim Farrar. Although the people and events in Ramona are fictional,
they were based on actual people and places, including Rancho Camulos in the Santa Clara Valley.
The name Ramona became attached to street signs, motels, food stands, movies,
song sheets, trourist traps, and several town halls throughout the region."
-from Los Angeles, A to Z, Pitt and Pitt, 1997 p419.



 hiking cacti

seasons means little in a place where flowers bloom in february.
time melds from one event to the next, and i wonder when it will
cease feeling like summer around here. it's a bizarre standing still.




and me, half infused. another weekend over, it began on thursday so i really cannot complain.
visitors appearing from the past, and some good old-fashion fun. 'holiday' parties and holiday
shopping. amazing the things you will learn. another fence item for me; half in the 'love giving' camp,
and half in the 'sickened by commercialism' camp. how to decide? however, being far away makes them
feel closer owning gifts with their names on them.

it does rain in southern california, by the way.

[cooincidences surrounding six degrees of separation and La Brea tar pits]
reminding me to thank J-Nette for mentioning me,

7   d e c e m b e r

i am realizing that life stuffs can either mean something or they cannot.
i've decided, as i used to not have to; that they are meaningful. i'm not
only attending another 'boring' christmas party - i'm not only buying more
christmas presents, supporting more software, throwing some lights on
the balcony. these events are meaningful to me. i care. i treat them with
respect, with grace and dignity. i give each of them, as all other repetative
life events, weight. i am not going through the motions, i am not flying
through this life. it may very well speed up as i go, but this does not
mean that each item deserves less attention.

as you can see, i dislike prescription.
no, my life is not perfect; no, i would not prescribe my antics
to everyone. there is a reason for everything, and as i never
wanted to believe, i think i am coming closer and closer to believing in fate.
the ones who are most adamantly against
something are the ones who eventually - as difficult as it may be to admit,
end up being forced to accept their own beliefs to the contrary.
why was i so much against fate? wanting to believe that my accomplishments
were mine alone? and now, we get older and realize that not all of our accomplishments
are so awe-inspiring.... .... .... .... .... we turn to fate. is that it?

6   d e c e m b e r

it was a dark and stormy night. but the main street cafe was bustling this morning.
perhaps they couldn't sleep, either, and seeking refuge, huddled in that place.

at relative peace now, as long as i don't think too much about any one thing,
my happiness level stabilizes. the satsifaction i require from work is subconsciously enough.

4   d e c e m b e r

gggjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjthis is no time for change...................

or is it.

who would know? is life such a free-form, why would it not be?

take your anti free form lives put them where you watnt them to be
orgnaize everything as prescribed and take a ride along the side.

3   d e c e m b e r

a nephew turning teenager; 3000 miles away.
ramona says good morning! corrected documents to germany-
scanned birthday cards up north, invitations to christenings, registry modifications,
and finally! a real meeting.

the jazzy station, not cbc but not bad, either. guranteed some kind of listenable music.
this is important, despite the large cd collection. bananas at 6am and the java has arrived.
hot this morning, hotter than the others, the great luxury of being able to sip it slowly, wonderful.
i did dream of dogs, last night. and other things. choosing a spokesperson from the old group- i watched
as they contemplated just about everyone in the room but me. the show went on, but i did make an enemy
of myself early on. they knew i was only playing for my own benefit-i think, knew i could see through
their sham. maybe i decided for myself to opt out of alot of it, but whatever the case, i didn't
quite have the guts to speak up, even though secretly, i felt that i should have
been the one. just couldn't give them that satisfaction. and the dogs?
the dogs were just poopin'! know why?
cause everyone poops!
that's why.

so, tickets and a free hat, drinkin' boxes, and a bit more
peace than last week. shifting into a lower gear;  or shall i say  different type of gear,
which so far has served me quite well. discussions about creativity and some yummy crunchies
dipped in teriyaki sauce. this is the synopsis. now i am fully awake and leaning over to glimpse at the
video machine clock every too often. knowing perfectly well that if i move myself from here NOW that i may
actually arrive at work nearer the scheduled time, but also knowing that my life, my creativity, my sense of
peace is worth more to me than what moving now will bring me. doing things for myself. knowing that i
am capable of maintaining respect and doing a good job regardless of what the punch clock people
think. let them think it, punch away their lives. that little 'know i shouldn't have written that smile
creaps across my face. we all learn our lessons one way or another.

2   d e c e m b e r


men will tell men things because they can attach properties to those things.
properties such as 'i say so' or 'because i'm bigger than you' or because
'i know more about it than you do'. they have learned that those
properties don't work on most women, so they don't bother.
of course, it may just be me.

a mood.

really part of the rat race now, watch me run. oh yes, we're trying to avoid it.
it just keeps catching up to us. sure. got the heavy sighs from the early wake
and if we think my brain is going to work even for a second then we're all in
lala land. yes it is a tossup, between being judgmental and seeing things for
how they really are. isn't it always, though? like the song says, 'i'm a bitch'
and lots of other things too. everyone is someone, and someone else.
everything is something, and something else too. one day it's this,
the next it's that, and who the heck ever knows what it really is?
but it sure is nice to make a decision every once in a while.

and? the rest of us? who gets to judge us? if no one
is staring at me with a magnifying glass, or at least
tells me they are, then who be our judge? who
say i cannot walk here, if they have not?
who say i should not talk here,
if they can not? who
say who?

1   d e c e m b e r

this is my december, happy one to you.
i sit with fingers chilled; and wonder what to do.
the time has come to shower, there's nothing more i hate
the dark is ever cozy, but it's 7:58!

i stretch i wake december morn
white rabbits! missed, and dressed forlorn.
the buses rumble, air is crisp-
i sit and wonder what i've missed



1) around the corner from famous Olvera Street?
2) san fransico: the great highway
3) london moo: postcard from bob
4) hiking cacti in the santa monicas

 poot's place     blue threads    the Garden     the Potter     meaningless