One year, at Duke, there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time.

However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they missed the final. 

They told him that they went up to UV for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus. 

Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. 

"Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy."  They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. 

It said: - 95 points - Which tire?

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.  Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."

Alan, age 10

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"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later  who you're stuck with."

Kristen, age 10

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WHAT  IS  THE  RIGHT  AGE  TO  GET  MARRIED?

 

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then."

Camille, age 10

 

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."

Freddie, age 6

*** This kid is the next Einstein...

 

HOW  CAN  A  STRANGER  TELL  IF  TWO  PEOPLE  ARE  MARRIED?

 

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."

Eddie, age 6

 

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."

Derrick, age 8

 

WHAT  DO  YOU  THINK  YOUR  MOM  AND  DAD  HAVE  IN  COMMON?

 

"Both don't want no more kids."

Lori, age 8

 

WHAT  DO  MOST  PEOPLE  DO  ON  A  DATE?

 

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."

Lynnette, age 8

 

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."

Martin, age 10

 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

 

"I''d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns."

Craig, age 9

 

WHEN  IS  IT  OK  TO  KISS  SOMEONE?

 

"When they're rich."

Pam, age 7

 

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."

Curt, age 7

 

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them.  It's the right thing to do."

Howard, age 8

 

IS  IT  BETTER  TO  BE  SINGLE  OR  MARRIED?

 

"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing.  I'm never going to have sex with my wife.  I don't want to be all grossed out."

Theodore, age 8

 

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.  Boys need someone to clean up after them."

Anita, age 9

 

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers.  Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing."

Kristen, age 10

 

HOW  WOULD  THE  WORLD  BE  DIFFERENT  IF  PEOPLE  DIDN'T  GET  MARRIED?

 

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"

Kelvin, age 8

 

"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now."

Roberta, age 7

 

HOW WOULD  YOU  MAKE  A  MARRIAGE  WORK?

 

"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it."

Lori, age 8

*** Lori has a good attitude.

 

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck."

Ricky, age 10

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).  While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.  As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.  When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." - "Why?  Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?  They're hushers."