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Training Courses !!!
Now Available For Women... >>Subject: TR: Training courses now available for women...
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How NOT to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.  All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish".

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take!  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little  more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy?"

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

1. Run one lap around the office at top speed Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

2. Phone someone in the office that you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now, Bye".

3. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace .

4. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"

5. Leave your zipper open for an hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, but I really prefer it this way".

6. In the middle of a meeting, suddenly yell out "YAHTZEE!"

7. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

8. Say to your boss, "I like your style", and shoot him/her with double-barreled fingers.

9. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee, then ask "Did you get all that? I don't want to have to repeat it".

10. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.

11. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

12. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off/on 10 times.

13. For an hour, refer to everyone as "Bob".

14. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a "number two".

15. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

16. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "With God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"

17. In a colleague's day timer, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights"

18. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "Do you wanna swap?"

19. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

20. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".

21. Speak in an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.

22. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet paper from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.